One, two. Lindsay's coming for you. Three, four. Better lock the door
After a sabbatical, again, from blogging for myself, I have made a strong return.
Literally I just keyed in a hard return. Dumbest joke ever.
Anyways, it has been a bit since I was able to write in Inelegant Innocence, and it is due to the fact that life went on another roller coaster ride. I picked up moved around Arizona, again, and found myself back in the copy writing world.
As many times as I told the people in my personal bubble that "I hated writing" and "I want to do something else", I did not come to my own terms. Which has turned out to not be a bad thing. After falling hard off the wagon, going through a few jobs (even serving again), going through some friend and family hardships, I am literally back. Like Freddy Krueger status.
This brings me to the title of this post. Life has been so scary over the past few years. Almost has if I am stuck in a "Nightmare on Elm Street" movie. Except, there's been no Johnny Depp. I have lived through nightmare after nightmare and come out on the brighter side, and continue to move forward. For as many hiccups as there as been since the dreaded loss of another relationship, I am doing okay. Well, today I am.
That's something I am still continuing to move forward on. Practicing daily to do okay. It doesn't have to be awesome or great, just okay. It's okay to live alone at 36. It's okay to be living in Tucson again. It's okay that I am really, really poor when I compare myself to other people's lives. Well, there's a sore spot where I could move forward as well.
The constant comparison I give myself has got to run it's course someday. Who cares if I don't have a nice house somewhere in a place I really want to live? Who cares if I am not leading the Betty Crocker, white picket fence lifestyle, like a lot of the people I grew up with live? Who cares that I turned out boring? You know who cares? Do you? Well I do.
Hence, the nightmares. I need to realize that when comparing myself to others, it is only hurting the way I think and come across. I live with jealousy and rage, and definitely have been working on turning that around, daily. Since I made some choices to try and "re-image" myself it has done nothing but backfire on me.
Happiness in the key to my moving forward. Finding it has to be on the trail ahead. It may even take another "re-do" on where I live, who I live with, and what I am doing to make the ever-despised money. But that should be the joy of life, right? Not knowing when those things are going to happen, but looking forward to when they do. If they do.
If nothing happens and I still am pairing up with Freddy to haunt nightmares, then so be it. You can't stop destiny. You can stop comparison, and that is the goal for my future.
"Other people's lives seem more interesting, cuz they ain't mine." - Modest Mouse